AFTER LONG months of thinking, frustration, and confusion, I finally found the muster to do what I truly want.
I have decided to shift to another course next summer. Goodbye, future classes I am not really interested in. Finance, Statistics, Operations Management, I know you mean well. I love math back in high school. Now in college, I don’t like handling money and managing finances very much when I could do things that I believe are engaging and worthwhile. Alas, I am taking up AB Communication.
College is supposed to be fun, exciting, rewarding, challenging. It is so foolish of me to choose a course just because the university is known for its excellence in management programs, along with a study abroad program especially for management majors, when I do not fit well. Play by your own strengths, they say. That was one important principle I neglected.
I don’t care anymore if I do not graduate on time, which is the main reason stopping me from switching paths. I don’t care anymore that I would start all over again. I would regret it more if I stick to something just because it was the easier, more simpler thing to do. It gets tiring to live up to other people’s expectations. I want to listen to myself for once.
It’s time for me to break out the same ol’ mold. I see many wonderful people living their lives just the way they like it, with no qualms, hesitations, insecurities. Sure, they stumble and fall. Things do not always turn out perfectly, like everybody else. But what makes them exceptional is they love what they do. People like them inspire me to do the same.
Nevertheless, I still have to go through one more semester before being able to officially enter the Communication program. I will have to go through another round of Accounting, to observe and report about the Philippine Business Environment, and study Communication Society–majors specially offered by the School of Management–before I move to the School of Social Sciences, which will hopefully be a better fit for me. I’m getting the Print and Broadcast Journalism Track: News Writing, Writing about Culture, Feature Writing. Investigative Journalism, Critical Writing. I get excited just by typing these. These course titles resound way more suitably to me than Introduction to Information Technology, Organizational Behavior, Strategic Management..
What’s going to happen next, I don’t know. But life’s like that. Taking little leaps with faith and small steps with courage. What matters is that we dare to move forward, to change, to dream. To have faith in ourselves. I never expected taking time to really listen to myself would take this long. I am so foolish. Then again, I think I am just afraid. I wonder where that fearless princess went.
It’s time to embrace the unknown, to live with creativity, in infinite possibilities, in relishing every breath we take. It’s time to let go of seemingly unanswerable problems that philosophy brings. I like philosophy, but thinking too much about haunts me that I get bouts of existential depression in recent days. I can’t wait to take this 180-degree turn on my college life (albeit being extremely scared). I must make more radical, intuitive choices more often.
“It is our choices that define who we are, far more than our abilities.” – J.K Rowling